The Danger of Goals
When Seeking Improvement Goes Awry
With the dawn of the New Year and a fresh desire to take on the world (maybe accompanied by guilt for past resolutions unmet), January is a common time to set and pursue goals.
There’s often a laundry list in our heads of things we’d like to improve, most of which we tell ourselves we will get to “later” because we “don’t have time now.” Then the New Year arrives with an air of possibilities and pressure, and we pull down a few improvements to check off the list.
Goals can be an excellent tool for measuring success and celebrating milestones. They can give us a sense of accomplishment and momentum, but goals will backfire and keep us trapped.
Common Traps
Sometimes we can be trapped by goals that are too vague.
One such vague and incredibly common goal is I want to be successful.
It’s understandable. When was the last time you met someone who did not want to succeed?
But what does it mean? What is “success?” When we do not take the time to discern our personal meaning of success, we end up chasing approximations at best, and at worst, we pursue definitions provided by others.
Chasing vague goals contributes to burnout as we continually move the goalposts on ourselves, incorrectly assuming we need more, and that’s why we are not satisfied yet.
As an over-used example, this is why chasing money can become its own trap. It would be foolish to say money is unnecessary (that kind of thought usually comes out of the mouths of people who have just returned from a trip on their yacht); making more money actually does make us happier to a certain point. That point differs based on personal and external factors (here’s an interesting break out of how different it is between states in the US).
However, when we assume the money itself is making us happy, rather than the stability and freedom it can provide, we start believing our dissatisfaction is caused by not having enough. This may lead us to pursue more money and neglect what could actually bring happiness.
Pursuing goals defined by others can also result in burnout when we achieve them. Reaching the result we thought would bring us fulfillment and not feeling it is understandably deflating. Why set other goals? What more is there to pursue, and will that also be a letdown if we get it?
When we do not know why we have set our goals and why they would be meaningful to us, we can find ourselves frustrated and defeated by them.
Defining Better “Goals”
There are many schools of thought about what makes a good goal. SMART goals remain particularly common, helping us break goals into components:
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time-based
These are all excellent components for goals. Following these guideposts can help thwart many common pitfalls in goal-setting, but only Relevance speaks to the core weakness with most plans.
A relevant goal aligns with our overall values and objectives. Without knowing our values or how our goal connects to them, the pursuit will always feel empty.
One way to get to our core motivations is to play the “So That..” game with our chosen goals. With a goal in mind, we continually ask and answer the question “so that?” to uncover our core motivations. This illuminates our more abstract objectives, helping us decide if we’re on the right path.
Consider the following two rounds of the “So that” game, starting from the same goal:
I want to be promoted to Director of Sales.
Round 1:
So that? I can make more money
So that? I can stop living paycheck to paycheck
So that? I can afford a new home
So that? I can be in the best school district for my kids
So that? They can have the best opportunities for their futures
Once you have exhausted the question, you discover that you really want more opportunities for yourself and your family. Realizing that allows us to evaluate whether this promotion is the most effective way to grow such opportunities, and it makes us more resilient if we do not achieve the original goal. For example, if someone else gets the job or the company goes under, we look for the next way to get to our super objective - expanding opportunities.
Road 2:
I want to be promoted to Director of Sales
So that? I don’t have to follow the impulses of my current boss
So that? Our product can reach more people
So that? We get closer to our vision of making healthcare accessible for all
So that? People don’t have to live with the constant stress in case of emergency
Once again, we’ve gotten to a closer core of why we are doing what we are doing. Now we can consider whether being director of sales is our best opportunity to contribute to a mission we believe in, and what else would we be willing to do to push the needle?
There are endless variations of the ‘so that’ game, allowing us to see broader themes and desires in our lives.
Always Enhance the Experience
When all is said and done, everything in life is temporary. Even a career spanning decades is temporary and only part of our experience of consciousness. Sometimes this knowledge scares us, but like most internal fears, there is enormous freedom in facing it. Goals can give us direction and reasons to celebrate - an understanding that we are making progress. But as we widen our perspective and see the long-term picture of our lives, we can see that when we achieve them, there will be more to do afterward. Seeing the full picture allows us to choose goals that give our lives a satisfying arc, rather than simply presenting ourselves with a carrot to wear ourselves out in pursuit.
With diligence and curiosity, we can pave a purposeful path in our lives, knowing each step is simply one of many in a longer stroll.