Making Black Lives Matter Personal
In the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic we have seen the rise of what may be the largest movement in US history: Black Lives Matter and the protests in the face of George Floyd’s death. As an individual in these times, we often tell ourselves we cannot make a difference against a force like systemic racism, especially when we are already under a global pandemic. It’s easy to feel that the health crisis is already too much and we should hold off on other issues until we have more mental space. After all, what difference could our individual contribution really have against a force as large as systemic racism, especially if we aren’t even seeing people day to day?
Fortunately, there are strong reasons to have hope for change and take action today. When it comes to legislative change, candidates and laws tend follow the culture by about 5 years, so the desires of the citizens now will become the future by legal mandate later. Consequently, not only are we as individuals able to start the changes we want to see, but also it is one of the only ways to foster lasting change that becomes the word of law. As like-minded individuals come together, change happens faster than one might expect. It is believed that it takes only about 3.5% of a population to be actively engaged in an issue to create lasting political change. We do not need a majority, or even a whole political party, to shape institutional reform. Armed with this knowledge, here are some easy steps we can use to start dismantling systemic racism today, even when we can’t leave our houses:
1. Acknowledge
The first step to solving a problem is admitting it exists. This is particularly challenging both internally and externally with racism.
One core reason for this difficulty is that the concept of ‘racism’ is often linked to intense shame. Whether a well-intentioned person makes an inadvertently racist comment/action, or a white nationalist flashes a white power symbol on camera, being ‘called out’ for it is often interpreted as ‘being shamed’ (though either individual will likely have a different reaction). Even when we are not ‘called out’ for something, shame may bubble up internally while we are alone, like when we read articles that call out behaviors that we have engaged in. If we are not careful, that shame can stop us from pursing necessary societal- and self-improvement. We must first acknowledge our own shame to be able to help others.
In a recent example, many white people turned to their black friends to help explain the core of Black Lives Matter and how they can help. While well-intentioned, this kind of behavior puts the burden of education and explanation on someone else (and someone likely impacted directly by the issue at that), which neatly deflects the more challenging task of owning our own journey and doing the necessary research. Additionally, even if a friend is gracious enough to have a conversation, the human brain is primed to turn the opinions and discussion points into a token view of an entire race or issue, which can miss reality entirely. This particular behavior was called out on Twitter (among other arenas), often in funny and earnest ways, but if the receiver internalizes this as shame rather than an opportunity for improvement, the receiver may derail their own process. It is always up to us to acknowledge and check our emotional reactions, which can be particularly difficult if the first reaction is shame. As social creatures, shame (and the implicit threat of ostracization) is among the scariest, most punishing emotions to experience, and we will do just about anything to avoid it. Spending time on avoidance will prevent us from improving ourselves however, so we must be ready to parry shame internally regardless of the cause.
It is important to highlight the difference between shame and guilt. Brené Brown explains it best in painting the line between feeling like we are bad people (shame) versus feeling like we did a bad thing (guilt). Given the charged nature of the word ‘racist,’ and that it can be invoked as an identity (i.e. “That person is a racist”), it is clear why we can so quickly fall into shame.
If we intend to, as Brené Brown says, “get it right, rather than be right,” we must train ourselves to know when we are feeling shame and manage that rising emotion as guilt if necessary.
Feeling guilty for an action can help us plot a course to do better in the future and avoid that action out of compassion for others as well as ourselves, whereas feeling shamed as a person more often leaves us frantically defending our self-image and turning away from the chance to improve.
In addition to acknowledging our internal shame around racism, we also must monitor for times we may be employing shame externally. We may already implicitly know that calling someone out by, for instance, stopping a work meeting to address a racist joke might cause them to feel shame and lash out. Rather than taking the easy path and avoiding calling anyone out ever, we can employ the distinction between shame and guilt in the language we choose when doing it. Saying “that joke is racist” connects the joke to racism (guilt) rather than saying “you’re being racist” which links the person directly to racism (shame). Even if the person being called out has a history of racist jokes and it feels true to say they are racist, weaponizing shame will never achieve the desired change of behavior. Most often it will create defensiveness and further barriers to overcome. If we hold the difference between shame and guilt at the top of our minds, we can better guide conversations and notice when someone may be falling into shame.
There is a final external layer we must acknowledge: the biases (implicit or explicit) that have created the necessity for the Black Lives Matter movement. We have all witnessed someone else (or ourselves) fall into the trap of dismissing a complaint or statistic with anecdotal evidence, e.g. “I don’t think black people have it harder in the workplace, I know of this one black person who was very successful…” The human brain is wired to create patterns from its experiences as quickly as possible, which leaves us vulnerable to making broad generalizations and internalizing them as universal truth. Couple this instinct with confirmation bias and we see that we are pre-programmed to both create and defend patterns of thinking that make it difficult to acknowledge or accept trends we do not personally experience. Fortunately, this is why statistics exist, so it is important to acknowledge truth in numbers that can be verified and trusted.
To acknowledge the truth of these numbers is to acknowledge the humanity behind them. It can be easy to see a number like “for every 100,000 black people, 1408 are incarcerated,” then run a quick mental calculation and decide that 1.4% of a population is a very small portion. Not only is this number over 5 times higher than the number for white people, but anyone in that 1.4% and anyone in a family of those 1.4% percent knows this “small” number is 100% too large.
One false accusation is too many. One instance of being pulled over for no reason is too many. One cop suffocating a non-violent civilian is too many.
For those who are not personally impacted by statistics, we must see through our own experience and live in the shoes of those for whom these are not statistics – these are consequences.
2. Apologize
The honest part of the brain knows that it makes mistakes. Frequently. For innocuous mistakes like spilling a drink or bumping into someone, it is not difficult to apologize and move on. As our feeling of the intensity or potential fallout of a mistake increases, it becomes far more difficult to apologize. Unfortunately, the times we feel most ashamed about our actions or inactions tend to be the times we most need to apologize.
When it comes to race, this task can quickly become insurmountable. In reality, we are just as likely to accidentally put our foot in our mouths in conversations about race as any other interaction. Because of the high levels of shame and stigma, it can be especially difficult to apologize when we do. Again, we must have the courage to become better rather than turn away.
Here again, knowing the difference between shame and guilt is crucial. Knowing we made a mistake may create an internal feeling of shame, or we may have external forces trying specifically to shame us for our mistake, but we can choose to react internally with guilt rather than shame. Understanding an error as a behavior to be changed rather than an unchangeable flaw in our personality allows us to approach a mistake with a growth mindset and set our intention to do better in the future. As with any interpersonal relationship, the other party may not be willing or able to forgive us immediately, but an apology is not about receiving forgiveness. Rather, the importance of an apology is acknowledging our part in an error and openly dedicating ourselves to doing better in the future and making our best amends for the past.
An apology also allows us to detangle a mistake from our self-worth and serves as a reminder that even when we do slip up, we can do better. In turn, this provides us the courage to try again, and to continue to have tough conversations knowing we will not get it right every time, but we will survive and improve.
3. Act
Acknowledging systemic racism prevents the fight from ending inside our heads. Apologizing brings our participation into the public arena, declaring our intent to better ourselves and the world. The final step is to make that intention a reality and act. Taking action can take many forms when fighting systemic racism, any contribution is valid and any combination is even better. To take action, one can:
Donate to causes centered around Black Lives Matter:
Bail funds like The Bail Project
Business programs like Black and Brown Founders
Policy groups like the ACLU
A much more complete list can be found here
Join protests (be safe, wear a mask; know your rights if you are arrested)
Call members of congress to demand reform particularly around the justice system (bail bonds, ending qualified immunity, sentencing reform, city budgets for police, etc)
Have difficult conversations with relatives and coworkers (remembering shame vs guilt to drive better results)
Support Black-owned businesses
Educate oneself through books, articles, podcasts, and the news
Recognizing any racist and exclusion behavior in your home/social life and work life in your circle of influence and call them out. This might include:
Speaking up at work when a racist joke is made
Including a colleague of color in meetings and conversations when you notice diversity is lacking
Prevent active biases in the hiring process
When we take action, we not only push the needle to improve the world, we also save ourselves from succumbing to the idea that the world cannot be changed.
We can be part of the necessary 3.5% to drive change and inspire others to join the cause. We can look at our choices with pride. We can lift up those around us. We give ourselves the hope we all inherently crave – that our current situation is not forever, and that things will get better.
[Photo by Gabe Pierce on Unsplash]