**This article inspired by Eimear Zone (https://eimearzone.com/ and author of “The Little Book of Good Enough”) and her conversation on the podcast Uncover the Human (https://uncoverthehuman.wearesiamo.com/connecting-with-eimear-zone-on-imposter-syndrome/)

 I can’t do this

I’m not supposed to be here

They all know I don’t know what I’m doing

Life is riddled with these limiting beliefs. These are so pervasive, in fact, they warranted creating the umbrella term “Impostor Syndrome” to capture them all. 

The belief that we are impostors or do not deserve to be where we are or have what we have can manifest itself in several common ways:

• Feeling the anxiety of not knowing how to answer a question

• Feeling like everyone else in the room seems to know how to do their job, but we’re just flying by the seat of our pants

• Waiting for someone else to say that we deserve to be where we are

• Writing off accomplishments or awards as “lucky”

• As coach Eimear Zone would put it: any time we feel “not good enough”

These limiting beliefs quickly stifle our potential. Maybe we don’t fight for a raise we want. Maybe we stay in a toxic company because we have not “earned” anything better. Maybe we hold onto a “safe” career we don’t like because we are not “allowed” to do anything else.

Common Expressions of Impostor Syndrome

We can detect impostor syndrome when we start to see the patterns in our own heads.

Believing in Gatekeepers

When we believe in gatekeepers (the ambiguous “they” that exists in our head, telling us we can’t do something), we are outsourcing our worth and validation to external sources.

We tell ourselves that we are not in the career we want because no one would let us do it. There is someone out there, like a bouncer at a bar, who will turn us away because they can detect that we don’t belong in the club.

Usually, the person with the permission-giving power we seek is poorly defined in our head. It is a conglomeration of learned voices from mentors, parents, and experience issuing repeated warnings to keep us in our comfort zones.

Seeking External Validation

When we begin to feel like a fraud, we look for proof that it is true, or that it is not. Whichever way we go, we’re likely to find supporting evidence.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.

- Henry Ford 

When we turn to others to justify that we belong, we embark on an endless quest for others to validate our choices. We begin to believe that the only way to feel like we belong is to have that affirmed by others directly.

This is a fragile state of mind.

When we do not feel our purpose and validation internally, we are more likely to be dissuaded by the first signs of resistance, to take on unhelpful criticism, and to outsource our own personal sense of worth.

Clinging to Safety

Impostor syndrome is a natural thought pattern our brain uses to protect us. Shame is triggering to social creatures like humans, so we are incentivized to protect our social status – even to the detriment of achieving our goals and living in our values.

Choosing to belong and fight for that belonging is far more challenging than safely telling ourselves we cannot do the thing we want to do most. Failing at that thing seems fatal before we try it. How could we possibly recover?

Our brains have more than enough reasons to cling to safety and impostor syndrome is a key weapon in the fight to keep us safe.

How to Stand Up to Impostor Syndrome

Know your purpose

The best way to feel confident is to know ourselves. When we know why we are in a room, when we can be honest about our strengths and weaknesses, and when we feel the internal motivation to continue, we turn down the voice that tells us we are not good enough.

Let go of perfect

No one is born perfect – everyone must practice and improve. If we are connected to our purpose and values, times when we fall short cease to be shame-inducing existential threats and instead become learning opportunities. We can let go of the permanency of a perceived “failure,” turning I’m not good enough into I’m not where I want to be yet. This mindset allows us to open our perspective beyond the tunnel of anxiety we feel as “impostors.”

Apply self-compassion

Dr. Kristin Neff argues for applied self-compassion in aspects of life. She defines self-compassion not as giving our self never-ending slack, but rather treating ourselves with the compassion of a best friend. We must be the best friend that truly wants what is best for us and always provides support - not only with encouragement, but also calling us out when we are not living up to our full potential. If we can gently keep ourselves on the road to our goals, we dramatically increase our ability to achieve them.

Ongoing Practice

We can live a full life outside the grip of Impostor Syndrome by adopting the following practice:

1. Know your why, know your values – understand what lights your fire and own it internally (especially when you are still proving yourself in a field)

2. Pursue your purpose with applied self-compassion – allow mistakes to be as impermanent as they are, and support yourself along your ongoing path

3. Check in with steps 1 and 2 repeatedly to focus yourself and refine your goals